Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
