Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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