I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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