Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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