I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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