I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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