My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
