she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
