I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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