so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
