Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
