it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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