I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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