I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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