If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
