Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize