What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
