it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
