I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
