If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize