Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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