PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She bit a glass in half.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
