I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How does one acquire holy water?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
