My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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