I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am available for nakedness
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize