If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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