I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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