I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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