Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
