I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
