So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
