Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
