She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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