I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
