the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
