he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
