I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
