Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Randomize
