i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
