I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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