At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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