she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
