I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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