I CAN MOONWALK!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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