i think i have two assholes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
