K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
