So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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