the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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