Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize