The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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