yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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