ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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