i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
