why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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