i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
