Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
