I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
