My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
