Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
foreskin is a definite game changer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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