cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
