so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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