he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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