Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
