She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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