Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude. I can hear the air.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
