It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
