Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
