i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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