no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
