If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
