last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
