forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
