just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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