just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
