Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
