My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
