All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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