That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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