I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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