i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
