If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
