Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
