Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
