I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
