This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
