Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
