Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
