You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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