a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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