She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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