That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize