New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
