I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
