so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
