Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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