Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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