I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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